Yoho_A_Pirate's_Life_For_Me (dawglover004) wrote,

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I might go to sleep after this....

Yeah so, I am procrastinating like NOBODY's business.

This is what I've wasted my time with:
Do you work at a bank? 'Cause you sure raised my interest.

Excuse my behavior. It's just that, when I'm around you, I get like Shaq in the movies -- I don't know how to act.

I like to poke badgers with spoons.

I'm the lead scorer of the varsity basketball team.

Your booty shivers me timbers.

What swashes your buckle?

I'm in the middle of a really complicated lawsuit. Wanna see my briefs?

When I saw you from across the room, I passed out cold and hit my head on the floor, so I'm going to need your name and number for insurance purposes.

You look a lot like the person in my head who keeps telling me to burn down houses!

Mmmmm...your hair smells like donuts.

The little people behind my eyes that yell at my brain told me to tell you just how sexy you are.

You know what? Your eyes are the same color as my Porsche.

Your eyes look like pools of the ocean that have vast amounts of biohazardous materials swimming in them.

When God made you he said, "Man, I am GOOD!"

[Hold out your hand.]
Can you hold this for me?

They say apples don't fall far from the tree, so your mom must be hot too.

In some ways, McCoy was the most fascinating character on Star Trek.

You make my heart melt and leak into my stomach.

Do you have a name? Or should I just call you mine?

I got thirty dollars and a Mustang -- wanna dance?

If I were Oedipus, I'd want you to be my mom.

I bet you could tell me what 5 plus 5 would equal, seeing as how you're a perfect 10.

Y'know, pilots always make better approaches -- so am I cleared to land?

Looking for good things about you is like looking for a needle, in a pile of needles, on Planet Needle.

Will you be the gravy in my mashed potatoes?

I see you wear shoes, too!

That shirt doesn't go with your eyes -- take it off!

I'm just gonna skip the corny pick-up line and get straight to the part where you slap me.

Come hither so we can slither.

You remind me of my fear of snakes.

Do you have any tape? 'Cause it looks like your stomach is RIPPED.

I'm a little worried you're not getting enough Vitamin Me.

If you were suddenly transported to the sun because of an evil scheme devised by an evil Russian chicken and asked to take off your clothes and make love to the burning flames and then recite the presidents in alphabetical order by their middle name while juggling 11 midgets holding soda cans between your two front teeth that will be operated on by 86 evil Czechoslovakian dentists named Farkus who got their degrees studying the taste buds of Tom Selleck at a college named after some guy who wasted away his life by eating pork grinds naked in his mom's basement while searching for pictures of Kirsten Dunst to use for purposes that cannot be explained by the 1972 Junior High class of some school that no one cares about in Eastern Idaho where woodland creatures choose to spend their lives trying to recreate some bad 1940's soap opera instead of frolicking happily in the woods, would you prefer chocolate ice cream or vanilla?

As the wicked witch would say, "I'm melting! I'm melting!"

Wow, look at that -- our hands fit together perfectly. How odd.

Hi! How am I doing so far?

Know what I like about citrus? It contains both U and I.

The voices in my head want your phone number.

I know how to make your ex-boyfriend jealous.

If you were a public toilet, you'd be a PortaHottie.

You remind me of my Jeep.

I'm a man of few words, so...my place or yours?

You're so hot, you must be behind global warming.

Hey, if you're lucky, I'll take you back to my planet with me.

I'm not really this tall -- I'm sitting on my wallet.

So this priest, a rabbi, and a Mongolian horny toad walk into a bar and...oh, never mind, I bet you don't get jokes.

Smile if you want me.

Do you swing dance?

You're ugly, but you intrigue me.

That'll do, pig. That'll do.

I've had my shots!

I like how you sneeze.

You'd look just like Venus de Milo if you didn't have any arms.

I know Brian Grubb.

Two rockets are leaving the Earth's atmosphere at the same time. Both need to travel 100,000,000 miles. If Rocket A is going 100,000 miles an hour and Rocket B is going 90,000 miles an hour, how long will it take for you to go out with me?

Excuse me, do you happen to have a toaster? I need to heat up these Pop Tarts.

My crypt or yours?

Are you interested in long walks on the beach at sunset? Me neither.

What's a nice girl like you doing in an n-dimensional space like this?

I want you to diagonalize my inertia tensor!

Your magnetic field aligns my spin towards you, babe!

Sooo...how's the gutter this time of year?

Excuse me, have you seen my Nobel Prize? I seem to have lost it.

Your name must be SARS, because you make me all light-headed and woozy.

If I made an obnoxious, sophomoric pun about your body, would you hold it against me?

Hey, baby, can I integrate your circuits?

I can't wait to lay my eggs in your brain.

This may just be the antihistamines talking, but I think I see an angel.

You know, you bear a striking resemblance to my Aunt Helga.

Hey, I like your bible.

Hey, sexy, I...what?...no, I'm-I'm not kidding...b-b-but I...but you...I thi...okay, I'll go.

Want to go back to my place and talk dirty in Elvish?

I'm having boyfriend problems -- do you want to be the solution?

I hope I'm not being forward, but will you marry me?

Are you going to kiss me, or do I have to lie to my diary again?

I like potatoes. Are you an Eskimo?

I've officially changed my name to Fun -- wanna have me?

Hi, I'm the stage manager. Can I see your props?

Mind if I check your femoral pulse?

Hey, can I get your number? 'Cause I lost that other girl's.

Have you ever eaten bologna sandwiches in the rain? Wanna try it?

Yeah so, you all must think I am crazy now. Or...crazier...whichever you choose.

Here is the website if you want to waste time too!

Waste your time. I dare you.
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